I've come a long way in discovering who I am. I'm still discovering anyway. But I've realized if there's anything I am, its certainly not being ugly. It of course took a long time to realize this. It took years of staring at a mirror and trying to convince myself. It took a lot of data subscribing to confidence boosting sites. It took a deeper relationship with Jesus. In which I could tell Him of my every pain and battle.
I'm glad to say that I've passed that phase in my life. This is not to say I don't feel uncomfortable when I'm around people. Nope I still do sometimes. But now each time I hear a voice that tells me how ugly or weird or different I am from everyone else, I'm not afraid to shout back at that voice saying:
I AM BEAUTIFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE. I KNOW I'M DIFFERENT I'M AWARE I'M NOT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. BUT I PRAISE YAHWEH FOR THIS DIFFERENCE. I KNOW WHO I AM. I'M NOT UGLY, I'M LOVED BY MY FATHER IN HEAVEN AND THAT'S MORE THAN ENOUGH TO ME.
I still feel awkward when I walk down the street, but this time not with doubt in my heart. Even if my mind might take a while processing the fact of who I am, my heart doesn't. My heart is sure and spirit convinced and that's what keeps me walking down that street.
Music has helped me a lot through these times of self-realization and it still does.
This is a list of songs that made me feel a whole lot better when I felt a whole lot unhappy:
- Imagine Me by Kirk Franklin
- No Better U by V.Rose
- Not So Average by V.Rose
- I Know Who I Am by Sinach
- Stay High by Jonathan McReynolds
- Lovin' Me by Jonathan McReynolds
- Headphones by Britt Nicole
- Ready Or Not by Britt Nicole feat. Lecrae
- Not Backing Down by Blanca
- Be All Right By KB
- Find Your Way by KB
- Smile by Jonathan Mcreynolds